Have you ever thought that you may be a “rushed woman”?
Rushing woman syndrome is a term coined by Dr Libby Weaver and is a *great* way to describe how I spent at least a decade of my life, possibly longer.
I used to wear being “busy” with pride, and I can clearly remember asking my business partner at the time “What the hell does everyone DO with their time if they’re not working on a side hussle?” as if there was nothing worthwhile being DONE if you weren’t BUSY all the time.
Ummmm…. how about raising a family?
I had totally lost touch with the whole idea of BEing and enjoying life.
I couldn’t help myself but to do DO DO DO!
So how did that happen? I wasn’t a shallow person. I didn’t actually care too much about what others thought, or at least that’s what I told myself! And I had never really been one to strive to be the most popular or chase accolades, or at least that’s what I thought.
Yet I still had this innate urge to DO and be noticed for my contribution! I needed to do whatever it took to be the best Mum, and I measured that by how involved I was and how much I DID for the kids.
Ferrying to sport, weekend language school, homework and projects, volunteering at school including reading, fairs, discos and mothers day stalls…, getting up early to create a hand made bentou every day of their school life, being the Secretary/President/Fundraising coordinator, or whatever position was going begging at the P&C, jumping on the bandwagon to support the school by attending as many events as humanly possible, including setting up and running a facebook page and website for the P&C.
And that’s just the kids! I also needed to DO what I needed to do to be a good wife, a good employee, a good business owner, a yummy mummy, a good friend…. geez I had so many masks on it’s surprising anyone ever related to me at all!
It took for my hair to fall out and my kinesiologist to tell me that I had to S.T.O.P! before I realised how exhausted I was. Around that time I took a 12 week hypnotherapy course that changed my life, and brought me back to focusing on what really matters… to ME!
Nowadays, I wonder how I possibly managed to keep up the charade for so long without combusting into a spectacular mess of angry anxiety about all those things I “should” be DOING and all the unmet expectations of others that I was convinced would make me feel good enough!
Funnily enough it was while I was collaborating with the hypnotherapist that had changed my life when I fell into the EXACT SAME PATTERN of DOING and I began to feel the exhaustion kick in.
This time I was focused on growing my (our) business, and it took over my life!
I would end up spending so much time at home in my “spare time” working on the business that my kids started complaining that I was never there.
They missed just BEING with me. Just sitting together and playing games, watching a movie together, or just sitting and chatting.
All of those precious moments were sucked away by my constant need to DO what had to be done. To get the job done. To work hard now for some kind of elusive payback later… but perhaps the biggest driving factor for me was a keen sense of losing my identity.
As I began the search for who I really was I became drawn to immersing myself into the self development fields, training to become a Master NLP Practitioner, a Hypnotherapist and TImeline and Matrix practitioner. I went on to become a fully certified mBit practitioner whilst also completing my Diploma of Life Coaching.
It was during this process and after a few years of working through some intense coaching that I had an A-HA moment that would finally allow me to get a handle on the incessant feelings of not being good enough.
And in a nutshell, it was my ego that was driving me.
Of course being a mum to my 3 beautiful children has been the biggest blessing of my life, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat a thousand times over! I love my kids. We all do right?
But being JUST a stay at home mummy was something that I struggled with.
Kudos to all of you who do it. Don’t take this as criticism because I think of all those beautiful mums who are doing the amazing job of raising little people to become wonderful members of our society are just the bees knees! You are doing THE most important job ever! And whatever you’re doing is exactly what your kids need. Go you!
For me, despite knowing that raising good human beings is THE most important job, I just used to have a feeling that there was something more that I “should” be doing. That maybe I needed to be DOING something more valuable. That maybe I should be making more money, or attending more committee meetings, or kicking off my career again with some kick arse job that had an awesome title and a bucket load of stress and money to boot!
So I invested my feelings of “not good enough” into pursuing a business collaboration, and that fed my ego tremendously!
I realise now that my ego was driving most of my decisions around that time and I still cringe when I think about the hours and hours that I invested into pursuing something wasn’t really aligned with who I am.
Now I know that if we can just align ourselves with our values, and focus on what really matters, all the rest seems to fall into place. Including our ego and our feelings of not being enough!
So, I wonder if there’s anything that resonates in my story with you? Are you a rushed woman?
Here is a list of things that I have acknowledged that made me a rushed woman;
- A “to-DO” list that just never seems to be done (I actually used to write things on my list that I had already done, just so I could cross it off and feel accomplished! I’m really baring my soul here!)
- Always being “BUSY” and super scheduled
- Always stepping up to organise and offer to help to just get things done
- Never really being present with most of the people who love you
- Always feeling that there is something more, that you’ve got so much more to offer, that you’re not really living up to your potential, but not in an empowering way, more of a way that makes you feel not good enough
- Feeling like you need to contribute more to the finances, or have a better job, or start a better business, despite already holding down a job or running a business and organising your household on a full time basis
I’d love to hear what you think. Comment below and if you’re ready to make a change contact me to see how I can help you finally let go off being a rushed woman.